Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 3. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] 266. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 87. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 250. 124. We'll get to that later. How do trees access the internet? I am grateful for all that I have. I am happy and joyful. 193. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence 214. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Hi! 189. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Steven Alexander Wright. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 61. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 243. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 75. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Groucho Marx. You can't wait for inspiration. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 187. I am attractive just as I am. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 114. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. 55. 80. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Unknown. 233. Its a door, thats how they work. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. I just go normal from time to time. 16. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 174. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Sam Levenson They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. How do astronomers organize a party? Education cost money. Benjamin Franklin. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. The best things in life are free. 10. 126. 116. I see food, and I eat it. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. 62. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Helen Giangregorio. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I want to afford them., 2. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. It has nothing new to tell you. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". 68. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. I understand success cant happen overnight. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Use this space for describing your block. I intend to live forever. 39 funny positive affirmations. At night, I cant fall asleep. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 162. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Yeah, so is a grenade. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 76. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 158. 24. 78. 108. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 103. ". It takes so little to change your life! Making everyone angry, piece of cake. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I just go normal from time to time. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 145. 90. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 87. So far, so good. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Alright, get in the basket.. 38. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 47. 115. 263. (John 14:27) 27. 267. 266. 205. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 1. Stuart Turner My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 179. Its called tomorrow. A backbone. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 196. 213. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 211. I feel great. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 239. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 62. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 119. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I didnt want to interrupt her. Erma Bombeck. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 191. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. 148. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 188. Stop trying to make everyone happy. The best things in life are free. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Take a look! 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. The thing is, I am still getting ready. Ben Hogan. no rich foods. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 39. 145. 59. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Good morning! Can February march? 144. health is important. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 101. 230. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 194. 5. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Because he was always spotted. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week My mind is becoming much sharper. 171. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 275. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 224. Funny Friday Quotes. 182. 39. Roy Lichtenstein Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. Send me the link. Funny Affirmation - Etsy Today is a great day. 163. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 220. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. I know the best time to make fun. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. With a cowculator. It just plain forms. You were too lazy to read that number. 221. - Irish Saying. Sincerely, yourself. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Bill Murray. Enjoy! 258. I have a lot to offer. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free Stuart Turner, 247. 153. 205. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Some people are like clouds. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 67. A backbone. 10. 92. 125. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. There are endless opportunities. 102. 211. 181. 185. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 207. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Walter Bagehot Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Pat Sajak, 41. Envelope. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 4. 28. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. 4. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. 268. 183. Run. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. I dont suffer from insanity. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. What do computers eat for a snack? 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Envelope. Its okay if people dont like me. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Frances McDormand, 42. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 1. - Benjamin Franklin. 172. What is Mozart doing right now? He who laughs last didnt get it. - Donald Trump. 169. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 167. Why is England the wettest country? 60. 159. Find a quiet place without distractions. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 133. 249. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 130. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Youre not tequila., 5. Milton Berle, 245. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. I dont want to fix my spending habits. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. 259. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 162. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Alison Boulter May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. Good morning! Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. I release all shame about my body. 4. 1. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Lily Tomlin, 242. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 260. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade P.D. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. And a funny bone. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 105. Your words become your actions. Charles M. Schulz. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 121. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave 69. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. 182. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo 100. I dont worry about getting older. 141. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 140. 8. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 221. Exercise? I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 178. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 1. 122. 277. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 113. 30. 62 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Motivate Your Team 135. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. 141. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. ". Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 163. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 264. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Today I was a hero. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 1. 79. 1. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Bill Murray, 257. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. When they go away, its a brighter day. 268. 106. I overcome fears by following my dreams. To thrive in life you need three bones. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 45. George Burns, 253. Can February march? You cant have everything, where would you put it? To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Its a door, thats how they work. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 1. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 143. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Friday Affirmations. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 200. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see.